According to Wikipedia.org and several other popular informational website page things, nucular weapons do not exist.
Nucular is a common mis-pronunciation of the word nuclear made famous by former president George W. Bush and cartoon father, Homer Simpson. The vast majority of scientists still hold firmly that nuclear weapons exist and are a great threat to the world.
Reports are coming in from sources in Pakistan that are telling NOTI that the Taliban have been looking around for some new help. Sources close to the issue indicate that the Taliban fighters have reached out to none other than Count Dracula himself.
Working with Dracula has apparently come at a high price for the Taliban, they’ve had to take new hostages for Drac and his crew to feed. The vampire crew is offering the Taliban invaluable advice and training for hiding deep within the caves in the mountains between Afghanistan and Pakistan. The two organizations working together present a significant threat to the security of the area, one American corporal that agreed to speak with anonymity was quoted saying, “So what, now to fight the terrorists I have to carry around a cross, garlic and a bunch of holy water? A few of my men are also fashioning wooden stakes, and the military is issuing crossbows. What is this? 1654?”
While the real scope of the threat remains questionable, clearly the US Military isn’t taking it lightly.
One has to wonder, however, how long before the vampires turn on their new found friends?
Early reports to nakedontheinter.net are indicating that Kim Jong Ill personally shot down the Air France Flight 447 that “disappeared” earlier this week. And yes you read that correctly, he persoanally fired the shots from a Mikoyan MiG-29 that was launched from somewhere close to the area. It is unknown how the leader was transported to the area or where the plane was launched. Sources close to Ill say that he was interested in “teaching the world a lesson” after strong reprimands from the UN.
The UN reprimands stem from North Korea’s illegal testing of a nuclear weapon and their illegal testing of short and medium range rockets.
The North Korean Government could not be reached for a comment, we don’t have their number.
NOTIBG recently received information that a large slice of glacier has separated from the north pole and remains on a collision course with the Atlantic states. The glacier portion is roughly the size of Rhode Island and contains nearly 52 million tons of ice.
Glaciers are large, often full of prehistoric things such as wooly mammoths and perfectly preserved cave peoples, artifacts and meteorites.
Scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration believe the movement may be related to large hovering tan-colored belts of toxic gas that have rapidly disintegrated the glacial anchors. Dr. Felix Abrowith explained, “this is a deadly force we are dealing with. No one underestimates the power of glacier after Titanic, but clearly these glaciers are moving at an incredible and unprecedented rate of speed. In fifty years they could be at the lawn of the White House.”
A link to possible terrorist cells hasn’t been confirmed, but NOTIBG will keep you abreast if any associations become clearer.
The domain for Glacier.gov recently become unavailable, but the Administration hasn’t released any formal information. Ex-Air Force fighter pilot Willie “Dead-Eye” Rocksteady was available for comment on possible strikes against this slow and calculating natural killer. “You see, the President, he has these two buttons under his desk in the oval office – one’s red, one’s blue. If he presses the red one, he can release missiles that will actually strike any threat to the nation at that moment. But no one knows where those missiles are coming from now that this damn ice has separated – messed up all the coordinates. We may end up sending something over ta’ Korea! And listen, don’t ask me what the blue one does but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t have something to do with the Almighty himself.”
Surprised?
The latest among Major League Baseball’s performance enhancing drug scandals involves the much loved, Wool E. Bull, of the Durham Bulls. An anonymous source contacted Naked on the Internet this afternoon, naming Wool E. as one among others yet to be released. “This is a sad day in baseball,” Seattle Mariners first baseman Mike Sweeney said referring to another more publicized PED incident in Los Angeles.
Wool E. Bull was contacted to comment, but only hung his head. No emphatic nods or hand gestures were made. Wool E. is best known for his appearance in the Tom Robbins-Kevin Costner comedy Bull Durham.
Photo Courtesy of base10 used under Flickr’s Creative Commons license.
Covered here. We at nakedontheinter.net believe this scent to be the early tests of the transmission of a chemical weapon over the area of NYC. They are releasing the test chemical laced with the scent of maple syrup to see how far across the city it will travel and what weather conditions are favorable.
So far no one in the government seems to be taking the scent seriously, with Michael Bloomberg quoted as saying, “It just happens to be one of the aromas we’re going to have to live with in a city like New York… All things considered, I can think of a lot of things worse than maple syrup.” Clearly Mr. Bloomberg isn’t concerned with the origins of the scent, and would rather bath in it daily. Enjoy your pancakes New Yorkers!
Iran successfully launched a satellite into orbit over the Earth earlier this week. The world is watching these stunning events closely, as the same technology that can deliver a payload into orbit can also be fitted with a nuclear warhead. German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier called the event ”a worrying development,” on Tuesday. The Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell said, “It is certainly a reason for us to be concerned about Iran and its continued attempts to develop a ballistic missile program of increasingly long range.” Clearly the world will not sit idly by as Iran furthers its attempts at developing long-range ballistic missiles.
Sources close to the test tell Nakedontheinter.net that a manned mission and future satellite launches are being scheduled and planned for now. The only questions that remain are the real intentions of the Iranian government.
While Iran was busy launching a satellite into space using a Sarif-2 rocket, a Oklahoma man pondered the complexities of a mp3 player that contained U.S. Army documents. “The more I look at it,” said Chris Ogle, “the more I see.” In the 80s film Cloak and Daggers, a kid has a similar experience with an 8-bit cartridge for a gaming system. “Don’t worry,” Ogle had said, “it only has lists of items the army was shipping over to Iraq and Afganistan, nothing too important.”
Incase you live in a cave, there is full out war in Israel. Yay for diplomacy!
Hamas has been launching rockets into civilian areas of southern Israel. Israel responded with rocket fire of its own, along with sending in large columns of ground troops supported by tanks. That makes 3 very real ground wars in the middle east. Why isn’t anyone talking about World War 3 yet?
Michael Connell, the Bush IT expert who has been directly implicated in the rigging of George Bush’s 2000 and 2004 elections, was killed last night when his single engine plane crashed three miles short of the Akron airport.
Connell was an expert pilot, and had been warned not fly his plane and that it might have been sabotaged. In fact Connell was unable to fly twice earlier this year due to mysterious mechanical issues on his plane. Connell also apparently received clear and direct threats from Karl Rove.
As of right now it seems no investigation is planned, and the NTSB hasn’t released any information in the crash.
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