I had just put my legs up on my laminated cherry wood desk when I noticed screaming from down the hall. I thought it was the Television and that I was safe, but it turned out to actually be an associate of our very esteemed United Arab Emirates Prime Minister and ruler of Dubai Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum who name bleeds more square inches of ink on newspapers than anyone in recorded history.
The masturbatory structure in his command, “when completed [...] will have consumed 330,000 cubic meters of concrete, 39,000 metric tons of steel rebar and 142,000 sq m of glass – and 22 million man hours [men]. (http://www.e-architect.co.uk/dubai/burj_dubai_skyscraper.htm)
The ghost proceeded to have a scotch cheers-ing to me in an abstract way at the unfinished floor’s bar and relaxation unit while appearing to peer outwards at the smoke rings that were produced by that day’s Clearing Fires For Production.
(see George Saunders’ essays in “The Braindead Megaphone”) and reality.
According to sources close to the Clinton family, Hillary feels insulted to have been offered the position of Secretary of State by President-elect Obama. “Senator Clinton believes if Mr. Obama really respected her leadership ability and experience, he would have offered her his seat as president. This is truly a slap in the face!” There has not been a response from the Obama troop, but they are sure to be confused.
Photo Courtesy Flickr Creative Commons Chris_Dunn
In a surprise announcement today, a top Obama spokesman has reported that the administration plans to create at least 3 clones of the president-elect. “As the first African American president, there will be an even stronger threat to the safety of Mr. Obama. We’re thinking, damn, might as well clone him to play it safe,” reported the spokesman. This will be the first government supported attempt to clone an elected official.
Cloning of any kind has struck controversy from its original inception. The opposition believes humans have no right to “play God.” Said one prominent Republican of the Democrat’s plan, “Figures!”
Photos Courtesy jmtimages Flickr Creative Commons
In a last ditch effort to save his legacy, President George W. Bush has taken action to enact a new “Sundae Sundays” bill. The controversial bill will provide “all citizens, regardless of economic status” delicious do-it-yourself sundaes every Sunday afternoon beginning the first week of December. A small group of protestors have called for a low-fat option, but the White House has not responded. “I’m watching my weight,” Jill Mackey of Binghamton, NY tells us, “Where’s my sundae?”
The first draft of the bill, originally called “Sunday Sundaes,” included a luscious caramel peanut topping, but was quickly rejected. “The peanut is a very common and often deadly allergin,” noted White House representative, Lou Marsh. Adding, “I know it’s gonna be a cold one for some Americans, but lemme tell ya, everyone likes an ice cream sundae. It’s good stuff.”
Photo Courtesy urtica