Dr. Conrad Murray (shown above in an archival image file), Jackson’s personal doctor, has drawn the attention of the Los Angeles Police Department and is now considered a prime suspect reports Rolling Stone. Conrad is believed to have administered a massive dose of Diprivan, a very strong anesthetic. Sources tell NOTI that Conrad was working as a double agent for the now defunct Russian KGB. Jackson’s murder is being billed as retribution for “crimes” he committed against the Russian people. It is widely believed that Jackson was able to seduce Joseph Stalin’s mistress and convince her steal the Russian secret PIN code to the national debit card. After Jackson secured the PIN he was able to withdraw untold millions and weaken the Russian economy.
July 28, 2009
Secret US Spy Michael Jackson Actually Murdered
July 9, 2009
Goldman Sachs Code Torrent
A “.rar 32MB. A distributed real-time co-located high-frequency trading platform… A very low latency (microseconds) event-driven market data processing, strategy and order submission engine.” is the description of the source code that has leaked out, probably the most valuable piece of software in the history of man. if you count bill gates out anyway.
June 8, 2009
Internet Confirms Nucular Weapons Do Not Exist
According to Wikipedia.org and several other popular informational website page things, nucular weapons do not exist.
Nucular is a common mis-pronunciation of the word nuclear made famous by former president George W. Bush and cartoon father, Homer Simpson. The vast majority of scientists still hold firmly that nuclear weapons exist and are a great threat to the world.
May 31, 2009
Glacier Careening Towards U.S.
NOTIBG recently received information that a large slice of glacier has separated from the north pole and remains on a collision course with the Atlantic states. The glacier portion is roughly the size of Rhode Island and contains nearly 52 million tons of ice.
Glaciers are large, often full of prehistoric things such as wooly mammoths and perfectly preserved cave peoples, artifacts and meteorites.
Scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration believe the movement may be related to large hovering tan-colored belts of toxic gas that have rapidly disintegrated the glacial anchors. Dr. Felix Abrowith explained, “this is a deadly force we are dealing with. No one underestimates the power of glacier after Titanic, but clearly these glaciers are moving at an incredible and unprecedented rate of speed. In fifty years they could be at the lawn of the White House.”
A link to possible terrorist cells hasn’t been confirmed, but NOTIBG will keep you abreast if any associations become clearer.
The domain for Glacier.gov recently become unavailable, but the Administration hasn’t released any formal information. Ex-Air Force fighter pilot Willie “Dead-Eye” Rocksteady was available for comment on possible strikes against this slow and calculating natural killer. “You see, the President, he has these two buttons under his desk in the oval office – one’s red, one’s blue. If he presses the red one, he can release missiles that will actually strike any threat to the nation at that moment. But no one knows where those missiles are coming from now that this damn ice has separated – messed up all the coordinates. We may end up sending something over ta’ Korea! And listen, don’t ask me what the blue one does but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t have something to do with the Almighty himself.”